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OVERLAND, Kan. — Despite a heartfelt sermon warning about the dire consequences of all manner of worldly sins, Reverend Dale Jackson only succeeded in giving the majority of his congregants plans for New Year’s Eve.

Jackson planned the sermon for December 30 specifically to discourage members of his church from acting in sinful ways during the New Year holiday, which he says lends itself to such activities.

“He really hit it on the head with that sermon,” said Tim Whetland, church member since 2003. “That was perfect timing. I couldn’t wait to try that stuff out on New Year’s Eve.”

From drunkenness to gluttony, congregants of the First Presbyterian Church in suburban Kansas City reported that Jackson deserves the credit for the remarkable fun enjoyed New Year’s Eve.

“I didn’t really even know some of those things were possible,” said Whetland. “Sure, I had heard of bestiality, but I never knew how it was done exactly.”

While Jackson is pleased church members did share what they learned from his message with others in the community, he hoped it would have been in a more constructive and holy manner.

“Obviously I want the church body to go forth and bring the message to those around them,” said Jackson. “But in this case I did not want them to actually demonstrate each act of debauchery individually.”

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