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THE WEEKLY WIPE

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Midwest snow storm dumps inches more relevance over East Coast

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February 7, 2008 | Issue 5-06

NEW YORK – A snowstorm that playfully danced its way over the middle portion of the United States earlier this week, lightly dusting the Midwest with a little more than a foot of snow in some parts and killing only four, suddenly dumped inches more relevance as it settled over the East Coast today. According to meteorologists, early this morning a major winter storm entered the region and is expected to produce record amounts of significance as it remains over the Northeast, where people will now have to deal with the inconvenience and damage caused by the previously inconsequential blizzard.

The storm, which originated in Iowa and Missouri on Monday, rolled gently over several states on its way east. It was said to have affected only the minor areas of Detroit, Chicago and Cleveland, causing slight inconvenience to the few residents of those cities. But by Wednesday evening the blizzard reached into the Northeast, where it collided with a high-pressure media front, and ferociously began to inundate the region with large amounts of importance.

 

“We have already seen a blanket of relevance fall over Pennsylvania and western New York State,” said Jim Cantore, Weather Channel meteorologist. “And people in eastern New York, New Jersey, New Hampshire and Massachusetts, should begin seeing significant accumulation of media coverage by mid-morning.”

 

The storm is expected to continue through early Friday morning, affecting every state with residents of any consequence. Added Cantore, “What we’re seeing now with this storm is it is snowing in places people inhabit, which really is creating havoc, as you can see by this live footage of important East Coast residents being forced to brush off their own cars and shovel their own walkways.”

 

News networks all over the area scrambled into streets to collect footage highlighting the ferocity of the storm. “We need to show the world how brutal it is to walk downtown with the wind blowing snow into your face,” said Erika Tarantal, New York WNBC Channel 4 field reporter, who hopes to get a shot of a pedestrian’s umbrella turning inside out. “People in other parts of the United States and other nations need to understand the plight of people in this region.”

 

The storm has already been blamed for ruining dozens of pairs of Italian leather shoes throughout the Northeast and is expected to only get worse during Thursday’s rush hour, having the potential to delay millions of commuters and threatening to bury newscasts in feet of fluffy white journalism. 

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