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March 1, 2007 | Issue 4-14

Well? Did you?

Usually I’m not one to go around pointing out things like this. After all, I don’t shout from the rooftops that I’m the most revered online hearts player in the nation or that I can name every NASCAR crew member in less than a minute. However, I feel that I simply must draw your… nay, everyone’s attention to the magnificent parking display I just put on.

Oh, I’ve pulled off some parking and driving feats in the past. Certainly, on a daily basis I display exemplary skills and pure instinct with my cunning moves in traffic and radar-like nose for open parking spots. This is different, though. This time I was on car operating level at which humans rarely visit. That parking spot and I were one.

Nothing less would have done. After the remarkable feat, I observed no greater than five inches between my automobile and those at each end. Not only that, I had precisely seven seconds to stop and finish parking in order to avoid encumbering traffic. Did I really manage that in seven seconds? Yes, and that adds to the many reasons you possess for lauding my parking expertise.

Maybe I’ll video my next parallel park and post it on YouTube as an instructional guide.