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THE WEEKLY WIPE

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Investigation exposes numerous CIA coffee leaks

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March 20, 2008 | Issue 5-12

WASHINGTON, D.C. – FBI investigators released a report this week that provides evidence of “rampant and reckless” coffee leaks by more than 30 CIA agents over the course of 10 months, beginning in summer 2006.

 

The scathing report came after a two-month-long probe into archived CIA documents that CIA officials claimed were clean and without blemish. However, FBI special investigators, appointed by Attorney General Michael Mukasey, said of the 40,000 documents examined, 12 percent appeared to be part of a major coffee-leaking operation. The report goes on to name 33 agents involved with “leaking privileged coffee in an insidious and irreverent manner.”

 

On Tuesday, U.S. Director of National Intelligence John Michael McConnell acknowledged publicly for the first time that several members of the agency leaked at least portions of Arabica Espresso Roast and Breakfast Blend during a period from June 2006 to April 2007. Investigators expect that further probing into archived documents will uncover major leaks of Costa Rica Tarrazú and Guatemala El Socorro as well.

 

Leading the investigation was Michelle Jupina, newly appointed special agent in charge of intelligence for the Washington field office, who elaborated on the inquiry’s findings. “We are certain that 33 agents from high to mid-level ranks were involved with leaking at least two varieties of premium blend roasts. And we expect that as we find more and more information, we may see a connection with espressos and teas in relation to other leaks.”

 

Many inside the CIA blame external beverage suppliers for compromised coffee security. “I think we need to take a hard look at the baristas we deal with, both inside and outside of our buildings,” said Alden Munson, Deputy Director of National Intelligence. “We’re going to have leaks unless everyone involved takes a tight-lidded approach to securing our agency’s beverages.”

 

In what is being called the biggest stain on the agency’s 50-year history, White House officials promised to dig further into the widespread coffee leaks. However, they may have their own explaining to do. An unnamed White House official speaking to the New York Times said many of the leaks in question originated within the Bush administration while documents were in their possession.

 

Press Secretary Dana Perino said those claims are unfounded. “This administration is aware of the leaks within the CIA, but the White House has never dealt directly with any coffee-sensitive documents.”

 

Action from the CIA is expected by the weekend, when most anticipate Director McConnell will dismiss any agents directly named in the report and place a moratorium on all coffee-related activity. 

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