| Share it

ADVERTISEMENT

WASHINGTON – President Bush addressed the nation this morning to preemptively seek forgiveness over unspecified forthcoming events. Flanked by a seemingly on edge Vice President Dick Cheney and a visibly trembling Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, the president briefly spoke to members of the press assembled in the Rose Garden. While wringing his hands and taking repeated, nervous glances skyward, the president gave a heartfelt appeal for unity and understanding.

"I'd like to ask my fellow citizens to remain steadfast in our togetherness as a nation and to be extra vigilant while going about our daily business in the upcoming weeks. I'd also like to say in advance that I am sorry ... deeply, deeply sorry." The president then turned as if to leave before stepping back to the microphone and adding, "Whatever happens, just know that we did everything we could, thank you." With that the president walked back towards the White House, ignoring a cacophony of questions from the frenzied press and wiping what appeared to be a tear from his cheek before entering the Oval Office and closing the door.

Ending the press conference, White House Press Secretary Dana Perino echoed the president’s remarks and added that all citizens should keep their car windows closed while driving, keep a roll of duct tape on hand, and avoid rooftops for the time being, though she doubted it would make much difference.