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BRISTOL, Conn.—According to accounts from other ESPN personalities, ESPN analyst Woody Paige’s life will soon be devastated beyond repair by the Bowl Championship Series (BCS), college football’s computer-based system for crowning a champion at season’s end.

“If I have to watch Missouri play West Virginia in a title game I might as well just move to Uruguay and start calling their game football,” said Paige during Wednesday’s episode of Around The Horn on ESPN2.

While opinions of other Around The Horn analysts differed as to whether Paige should and move to Uruguay or Antarctica, each of the other three panelists and the show’s host, Toni Reali, agreed that Paige’s life will be essentially over after the five-game BCS event scheduled to take place the first week of the new year.

“Personally I support his move to Antarctica,” said Reali of the show’s regular panelist. “There is no question that Woody Paige will suffer some sort of major cardiac event if West Virginia plays Missouri in the BCS championship game.”

“Suddenly I’m a big backer of the BCS if it drives Woody out of the country,” said Jay Mariotti, Around The Horn panelist and Chicago Sun Times columnist. “But to address the issue, I hate Chicago sports teams.”

According to Paige, the BCS causes him major strife because he feels a playoff system would better reveal a champion than the current system based upon computer formulas and poll rankings. “Ah, this whole thing is just so dumb,” yelled a hand gesturing Paige just prior to having his audio feed muted by Reali on Wednesday’s Around The Horn show. Send this story to a friend