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NEW YORK – The lovable Dow Jones Industrial Average (DJIA) climbed a tremendously cute four points today, following yesterday’s less endearing 161-point fall. While morning trading pointed to another day of poor performance, the DJIA rallied to lift everyone’s spirits, ending with the charmingly impressive four-point gain. “Every time I get a little down, the Dow just seems to inch adorably upward, slightly squelching my fears of total economic collapse,” said trader Phillip Broxton. “It’s like one excitingly divine rollercoaster ride.” Other traders report feeling similar, many saying that Tuesday’s pleasurable increase made them remove the ammunition from the firearms in their top drawers.